I’m Jealous of My Kid’s Stepmom….😯

Mama confession….

I’m a little jealous that recently my teen daughter said she went to her stepmom and shared a problem and wanted her advice.

I’ll admit- at first- I was hurt- a little offended…

I thought “What makes Dee better than me! ?!? I’m your mom!!! Shouldn’t you come to me for advice?!?”

So when I gently asked my teen about it, my teen said that Dee listens openly while I try to “solve” her problems.

Ugh- I’ll admit that stung my mama heart…

Rather then staying in a state of resentment and jealousy towards Dee, I took some time and reflected…I allowed the initial feelings of negativity to arise and let them go. Then I took some time to reframe my thinking and learn from this experience…

After all, as someone that teaches others how people and experiences that trigger us are signs where we still need healing, I needed to use this experience as an opportunity for growth.

So, here are my gratitude takeaways…

1. My teen daughter feels comfortable enough to open up to adults in her life that she knows love her. She has women in her life with whom she can share deeply. I’m so fucking grateful that she knows she has so many people who love her and support her, and she will go to them with her struggles rather than keeping them in herself.
2. I’m grateful for the lesson from Dee to learn to be more open and LISTEN more with our children.  Rather than being resentful and secretly jealous and angry, I let Dee inspire me to be a better mom. It wasn’t easy to admit my shortcomings as a mom to myself. But in the end, I can grow from it.
3. I’m also grateful that my daughter felt comfortable enough to be honest with me and share where we can improve the communication in our relationship.
4. I’m especially grateful that I did the inner work to drop my ego in the first place.  I have the tools to pause, reflect, let go of negativity when I need to, and be the best version of myself as a mother (and allow others to share in the “joys” of parenting-haha).

Look- I know being in a blended family is not easy and can trigger every freaking insecurity within us as moms and wives.

I see so many people hold such animosity towards the other stepparent and it makes them miserable.

Worse- it makes their children feel torn and emotionally withdrawn. The trauma that children feel from being a pawn in their parents’ inability to put aside their differences and acrimonious relationship lasts for years and impacts their own intimate relationships later in life.

But it doesn’t have to be that way…. There are specific tools and strategies to feel at peace and build amazing relationships, even under unbelievably stressful circumstances.

The first step begins with looking within you….. 💗

Terrie Vanover is a mom and Divorce Recovery/Relationship Strategist. She is a speaker, writer and the founder of Choosing to Rise, LLC. You can find her at ChoosingtoRise.com and  on social media @vanoverterrie or Terri Vanover.