Most moms are familiar with the feeling of carrying an invisible load. It’s not just the physical work of running a household—it’s the mental and emotional effort of keeping everything and everyone on track.
It’s knowing when the next doctor’s appointment is due, remembering which foods your child suddenly won’t eat this week, keeping track of school emails, and managing the emotions of the entire family.
This mental load is something many moms take on without thinking, often because it feels easier than delegating or explaining what needs to be done. But over time, it can become overwhelming, leading to stress, exhaustion, and the feeling of never quite being able to keep up.
If this sounds familiar, you’re not alone. And while there may not be a simple fix, there are small, meaningful ways to start lightening the load.
What Is the Mental Load?
The mental load isn’t just about getting things done—it’s about being the one who keeps track of it all.
It looks like:
Noticing the milk is running low and making a mental note to buy more.
Keeping track of permission slips, dentist appointments, and extracurricular schedules.
Anticipating how everyone in the family is feeling and adjusting accordingly.
Constantly juggling what needs to be done now, what can wait, and what’s already fallen through the cracks.
Unlike physical chores, which are visible and often shared, the mental load is harder to recognize. And because it happens in the background, it’s easy for others not to notice—until something gets forgotten.
Why It Feels So Heavy
It never really stops. Even when you sit down to relax, your brain is still running through the next day’s checklist.
It’s invisible. Because much of this work happens in your head, it’s easy for others to assume things just “get done.”
It’s not always evenly distributed. In many families, one person naturally takes on more of this work, often without realizing it.
It’s emotional, not just logistical. It’s not just about remembering things—it’s about caring about all of it.
The good news is, there are ways to make this more manageable. It won’t disappear overnight, but small shifts can make a real difference.
How to Start Putting It Down
1. Make the Invisible Visible
The first step is helping those around you see what goes into keeping the household running. Not to place blame, but to create awareness.
Instead of saying, “I do everything,” try:
“Here’s a list of all the things I keep track of in a given week.”
“I’d love for us to share more of this, so it doesn’t all fall on one person.”
Sometimes, simply naming the work can be an eye-opener for those who aren’t used to thinking about it.
2. Let Go of Perfectionism
Not everything needs to be done exactly the way you would do it. If someone else is willing to help, try to let them—even if they don’t fold the towels the way you prefer or forget to buy the “right” brand of cereal.
It can be uncomfortable at first, but letting go of some of these details can free up valuable mental space.
3. Hand Off Whole Tasks, Not Just Individual To-Dos
Instead of saying, “Can you help with dinner tonight?” try:
“Can you take over meal planning for the week?”
“Can you handle all school-related emails and paperwork?”
When someone owns an entire responsibility, they’re more likely to think ahead, anticipate needs, and follow through—rather than waiting to be asked.
4. Set Boundaries Around Your Time and Energy
If you find yourself saying yes to things that add to your load but don’t actually serve you or your family, it might be time to start saying no.
If weekends feel overwhelming, can you block off one morning as unscheduled time?
If responding to texts and emails feels like another job, can you set limits on when you check them?
If your evenings are always rushed, can you simplify your routines?
Sometimes, putting down the mental load means not taking on more than you need to in the first place.
A More Sustainable Way Forward
The mental load is real, and it’s not something you have to just accept as part of motherhood. By naming it, sharing the responsibility, and letting go of the need to do everything perfectly, you can start creating a more balanced approach—one that leaves room for your own well-being too.
What’s one small way you can lighten your mental load this week?